Air out those skeletons in the political closet, because two bloodcurdling events are looming in haunting proximity.
First up, we have everyone’s favorite spine-tingling holiday, Halloween. Next up, we have everyone’s favorite spine-tingling holiday, midterm elections. They have much in common — pulling off a memorable costume requires the same suspension of disbelief as consuming daily news.
Why not combine efforts? A little two-for-one that scores you an outfit to terrify servants of democracy? (Don’t actually scare the poll workers, please, they are vital to our endurance as a species.) Herewith, costume ideas that say, “This election cycle is stalking me like Michael Myers, whom I have tried to kill 40 times but who keeps texting me to ask for $5 donations.”
A ghost candidate
Reporter Lizzy Alspach brings us a tale of ghost candidates, this time emanating from Pasco County. These write-in candidates file to run for office without campaigning, conveniently closing primaries that would otherwise be open to all voters. Yes, they are exploiting a spooky chasm in Florida election law to keep a chunk of voters from having their say. A ghost candidate costume gives old-fashioned vibes in aesthetics (quaint sheet with eye holes!) and function (tatters of a ballot to give an aura of voter suppression!).
Gas prices
Do you tremble with fear whenever you approach a 7-Eleven? Do goosebumps cascade down your arms when the tank ticks close to empty? Pull up to that Halloween bash dressed like the issue on nearly every voter’s mind. Simply write “GAS PRICES” on a T-shirt and tie a preponderance of colorful helium balloons to yourself, kind of like the house in “Up” but in a critical global oil supply kind of way.
Property tax slasher
When you dress as Florida’s proposed Amendment 3, complete with a Jason mask and bloody machete to slash property taxes, commit to the bit. Explain to the neighborhood children, especially kiddos dressed as police officers and firefighters, that an increased homestead exemption and lower cap on increases for non-homesteaded properties could stretch local governments thin and lead to a cataclysmic drain on public safety and infrastructure support. MWAHAHAHA.
A data center
What’s that noise? No, it’s not an evil specter thumping around the attic nor a coven of witches cackling in a nearby wood. It is the whir of thousands of computers, HVACs, generators and cooling fans operating day and night to bring artificial superintelligence to the masses. It is the doomy bedlam of pro-AI collectives pumping millions into the race for Florida governor. It is you at Trunk-or-Treat with a box fan strapped to your chest and a “Scream” mask strapped to your face.
Dark money
Speaking of political action committees, toddlers and voters alike should be on alert for dangers that lurk in the dark. Open the front door in a black judge’s robe dressed as Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission. Explain to all those gripping pillowcases of candy how the landmark Supreme Court ruling opened the door — get it? — for rampant corporate influence in politics. The pesky teenagers will be off your stoop before you can even run low on Snickers.
AI
Honestly, just go as the Grim Reaper.
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